Ending Violence Through Love
by David Demere
Working for peace for the last three months has changed my outlook on how to
best make a more peaceful world. I got to see how much the peace movement is
stressed out, negative, and ineffective. My intent in writing this is not to
criticize peace organizations! They do a lot of good! My emphasis is on
looking at new ways.
Peace groups and the military use tactics based on fear, having an
adversary, and pressuring/manipulating others to change. We are asking the
government and the military to do things differently- to shift from violence
to nonviolence, from fear to trust, from hatred to love. I ask, how do we
need to change? In what ways do each of us operate out of violence, fear and
hatred?
Going door to door to inform people about our $16 billion worth of arms
sales to 35 non-democratic countries that have bad human rights records,
about the destructive capability of the 30,000 nuclear warheads on the
planet, etc. is fear-inducing. It puts images of catastrophe in people's
heads. And I got drained doing it!
In some way we are the main contributors of violence, because we focus on it
so much as we fight against it. As many spiritual leaders have pointed out,
whatever we focus our attention on is what we manifest. As we speak about
the horrors of nuclear war, we are putting such images in people's heads,
and making it more likely.
In contrast, speaking of a vision of people being compassionate and
respectful towards each other and behaving accordingly is more likely to
make that manifest.
Yes, all of the military violence needs to be stopped! We have to be against
the military, yet it needs to come from a place of love and trust, not anger
and fear.
Basically, I see the peace movement wanting others to change. It is easier
to place the burden of change on others than on ourselves. I have observed a
lot of peace activists who are not at peace, not taking good care of
themselves. Now, I believe that the real peace work is inner peace work.
This is an invitation for us to move away from all of the hype about
terrorism and do some personal reflection and revitalization of our
commitments to nonviolence. How do we commit violence every day? How can we
reduce violence? Asking hard questions and looking at things from a wide
perspective are crucial to solving problems. One exciting new model is the
restorative justice movement, which is wonderfully wholistic. It puts a
crime into context and looks at many of the factors that contributed to the
destructive behavior, including the culture's part in causing the crime. It
works to heal the injuries, rather than cause more suffering. Let's use the
wholistic and healing qualities of the restorative justice model as we look
at violence.
Our thinking
Most people do so much damage to themselves with the negative messages
inside their heads: "I'm not good enough, I'm stupid, I'm not worthy." That
is violence! If we are going to stop violence, we need to stop those tapes-
with gentleness and lightness. Let us think thoughts that make us smile and
are nurturing: "I am good. I am good enough.
Our outward actions
How are we doing violence to the planet? I am using up precious resources by
driving a car, causing noise, running over animals, killing insects,
hurtling myself through space at a much higher rate than is comfortable to
my psyche.
What violence is caused by what we purchase, not just in terms of those
working in sweatshops. Farm workers are exposed to chemicals. Enormous
amounts of energy and resources are mined from the earth, and used to get
our food to us. As we drive less, as we buy less, we reduce the violence to
ourselves, others and the planet.
Those are some of the broad brushstrokes about how we can move our society
towards nonviolence.
Our Vision
Lovemaking and birthing need to be nonviolent; schools and work places need
to be nurturing, healthful places; dying should happen in a nurturing place,
with people breathing, smiling, connected around the dying person.
The point isn't whether all this will ever happen. The point is that we hold
it out as a vision and contribute towards it every moment that we can.
I encourage you to read Thich Nhat Hanh, Jack Cornfield, meditate, do yoga,
and trust your wisdom.
Back to Peace Talk Index, Winter, 2001-2002